Too late to say thank you?
Ingrid is on my mind. She died over the weekend and tomorrow is her memorial service. I loved her her so much. She was kind and generous and just "salty" enough to make life interesting. She volunteered at the preschool where I work and the kids loved her as much as I did. When she got sick, I went into a form of denial because I could not imagine life and especially work without her. When my sister died and then my husband, Ingrid was there with hugs and food and support and love. She always remembered me at Christmas and on my birthday. She always smiled and teased me and she was a really great friend.
I can't remember if I told her that I loved her. I'm sure I said thank you to her a million times but in passing. I just felt she would always be around and that there was lots of time. I was wrong and now it feels too late to tell her thank you for being a part of my life--for making such a difference.
Most of the time, when someone close to me dies, I miss them, wish we could spend at least one more day together, grieve, but for the most part I don't have regrets. I try to take time to make peace with those I have hurt and let everyone that I love, know that I love them....but once in a while I feel that I messed up. Ingrid "knew" that she was important in my life, but it would have been better if I had taken the time to really tell her.
I don't know what happens to us when we die. I just have to believe that it is good...a time of transition from an earthly life to something else. I know that there is a God and that God is good and that God is love. I know God loved Ingrid and she loved God.,,,,,her soul is with God....and maybe by continuing to love and by remembering her, somehow she will realize what I feel in my heart.
I don't want to say this...but good bye, Ingrid. I will miss you. I will also know you again in the next life and I promise that this time I will get it right and make sure you hear from me a big sincere thank you and I love you..
Blessing to you, my friend....