I came home, energized, motivated, ready to go....a little tired but enthused! I went to work and my "happy world" came crashing down around me. I was promised that everything would be ready on Monday, today, but that was not to be. Circumstances were different and disappointment filled my whole psyche and normally what wouldn't have got me down, did! Still fatigued from my weekend trip, I couldn't even muster enough energy to "make the best of it." I was frustrated and angry but worst of all disappointed. I hate that feeling most of all. I did make an effort but most of the morning was I was inefficient. Finally I left work...had a pity party on a parking lot with a chocolate ice cream cone and then went back. This time, my spirit said "do something, anything" and with the help of friends I managed to go forward.
The feelings though did not go away and I carried them home. I called my oldest daughter. She made some suggestions and as I said before, I didn't have much energy, so I just followed her advice, too tired to argue. I began to feel the weight begin to lift off my shoulders when I made the decision to stand up to the negative feeling and turn my day around. I am in process now.
Even the best of us, can be caught off guard sometimes and get sucked into a black hole of disappointment and anger and frustration. But we have to remember, justified or not, it is our choice to leave the darkness behind. It has been a long time since I felt this low, and I forgot to do anything except to cling to the awfulness. If I had said a prayer, God would have helped. If I had accepted help from my friends at work sooner, I would have accomplished more. If I would have meditated instead of eat ice cream, I would have become more resilient a lot sooner. I am just glad that I listened to my daughter and began to pull myself out of the abyss.
I am always looking for words that help me with my challenges. Today, I found this quotation from a Nobel Peace Prize winner and that gives me hope for tomorrow:
Enthusiasm is followed by disappointment and even depression, and then by renewed enthusiasm.
And then I remembered this verse and that gives me hope for all time:
Philippians 4:6-7 ESV
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.